Scarlet Letter D.J. # 21 - Chapter 11: Part 1.

"It is inconceivable, the agony with which this public veneration tortured him! It was a genuine impulse to adore the truth, and to reckon all things shadow-like and utterly devoid of weight or value, that had not its divine essence as the life within their life. Then what was he?--a substance?--or the dimmest of all shadows? He longed to speak out, from his own pulpit, at the full height of his voice, and tell the people what he was. "I, whom you behold in these black garments of the face heavenward, taking upon myself to hold communion, in your behalf, with the Most High Omniscience.--I, in whose daily life you discern the sanctity of Enoch,--I, whose footsteps, as you suppose, leave a gleam along my earthly track, whereby the pilgrims that shall come after me may be guided to the regions of the blest,--I, who have laid the hand of baptism upon your children,--I, who have breathed the parting prayer over your dying friends, to whom the Amen sounded faintly from a world which they had quitted,--I, your pastor, whom you so reverence and trust, am utterly a pollution and a lie!"" (pg. 125 second paragraph) Dimmesdale wants and needs to be honest in order to survive, but he's afraid of lose his job and the respect of all the towns people, he also doesn't want to cause Hester or Pearl any more pain than they have already gone through because if he comes forward this will reopen the wound as if it was her first day on the scaffolding. For not being honest earlier, he's embarrassed for hiding his secret for this long, and looks like a coward. He's helped everyone in town, and they all listened to his sermons and took what he said into perspective. He's basically a hypocrite when saying that "It was his genuine impulse to adore the truth, and to reckon all things shadow-like." Shadows go back to the ability to hide the truth, and cover his lie. The shadows have sucked the life from him, and is now pale, but if he turns his face towards heaven, he will have to tell the truth and light will be shown upon him.